Over-analyzing is a common occurrence in dating, particularly when we are first getting to know someone up until the beginning of a new relationship. Over analysis can happen to anyone, men or women.
Over-analysis is not good for a relationship. You can create problems that never really existed in the first place. You might even try to change something that is working great because you are too worried about how the other person feels or what they might think. Also let’s be honest. Over-analyzing is unpleasant. You are constantly in this state of anxiety and feel like you lack complete control over a situation that really shouldn’t be taking up this much importance in your life.
Analyzing can also push a person away. Have you ever been around someone who reads too much into what you say? Maybe this person gets upset at you randomly and you don’t know why or this person takes offense to something you said, even though you didn’t mean anything by it. Perhaps you have had a friend who tries to change little things about themselves so that you will like them more. What happened as a result? You probably felt pretty turned off by their behaviour and didn’t really understand why they were analysing the relationship so much. You might wonder why they have all this time to spend thinking mainly about you and your actions. The same thing happens when you are dating someone and spending time analysing what they are thinking. People can often sense when you are thinking too much and this can push someone away or even lower their attraction towards you.
If you have a habit of overthinking your dating life, then now is the time to stop. You are only hurting your chances at finding genuine love and you are wasting much of your time and energy. There are ways to stop yourself from over-analysing and below are some tips to help you shift your focus.
Stop going over every detail with your friends. Talking about a new guy you are dating can be fun and he may be the only main thing on your mind right now, but getting too many opinions can actually make things worse. Even a friend saying he doesn’t seem that interested because he took a couple of hours to reply to a text message can make you start to over analyse if there is a problem in the way you guys communicate, even though you were happy with the way things are going. The best thing to do is to stop sharing the details with your friend. If you absolutely need advice on an important topic then certainly ask a trusted friend for their advice, but it’s better to just keep the details to yourself. Enjoy the first few weeks of dating someone new without relying on a friend’s advice.
Continue living your life and focusing on your hobbies and goals. When you date someone, no matter how great things are going, try to resist the temptation to ditch a hobby or something else important to you. Continue doing the things that you love no matter what. When I met my boyfriend, I was busy learning another language, spending time with friends, learning new things at work, salsa classes, reading books and doing other things I really enjoyed. While we were dating, nothing really changed in my social life. I had a few more days a week devoted to my boyfriend but I kept up with my hobbies and social life. As a result, I didn’t have much time to over-analyze and I could just enjoy the moment. Stay busy and you will have far less time to over-analyze what is happening with your guy.
Communicate, especially if you are in a relationship. If you find yourself discussing issues with your friends, family and everyone else but your partner then there is a big problem. A relationship should include healthy and open communication. Your partner may not be the obstacle for having a healthy conversation either. If you often have a habit of not voicing your feelings, fearing that someone may not like you for speaking up or overthinking all the potential negative scenarios that could occur if you communicate, then you may be the main reason for the communication barrier. Open up to your partner and tell them how you genuinely feel. Instead of spending time trying to analyse the issue to death, be open and honest and communicate with your partner. For all you know this issue could be a simple misunderstanding or you might be interpreting their behaviour incorrectly.
Insecurity can be a sign that something is wrong. If you are constantly analysing everything that is happening in your relationship, even when you make a genuine effort to communicate, then it may be tough to accept but this may not be the right person for you. In a healthy relationship you should be able to be yourself, relax and know that even if you have some tough conversations this person will remain by your side. Even in the dating phases, constantly feeling insecurity can sometimes signal that this person may not be interested in a relationship with you or some incompatibility that you may not have realized yet. It can sometimes be normal to feel a little insecurity when you first meet someone and start to have strong feelings for this person or become infatuated, but recognize that constantly over-analyzing the details is not healthy for you or the relationship. Pay attention to subtle signs such as you not feeling comfortable being yourself around this person or if you feel like you are analysing to convince yourself that this person is interested or compatible for you. This person may not be right for you and that’s okay. It may be time to move forward and find someone more compatible for you.
Practice meditation. Work on clearing your mind when you suddenly feel overwhelmed with your thoughts and need to clear your mind. Meditation is a great method to utilize when you feel like you have trouble controlling your thoughts.
Stay positive and continue loving yourself. Dating is hard. Dating can be frustrating, confusing and disappointing. But it’s worth going through the motions of dating if you find someone amazing who you can truly connect with. What’s important to remember is that you are valuable, wonderful and have amazing things that you can offer to someone else. Try to not get so wrapped up into analysing what someone else is thinking to the point that you don’t check in with yourself and ask how you are feeling. Work on your self-esteem. Take care of yourself and remember that to attract great love, you need to already have great love in yourself.