Many of us are concerned about what people think of us and tend to give explanation for those feelings.
You may have gotten a speeding ticket this morning on your way to work since you were late waking up. You go to work and are a bit grumpy and explain to your coworkers that you are in a bad mood because of the speeding ticket. In an effort to sound fair and not so negative, you end up telling your coworkers how it was your fault for getting a speeding ticket and how you usually don’t allow yourself to be in such a bad mood. That’s what happens when you try and justify your feelings.
Another person may have told her friends about this cool business idea she had. She had talked about it like she was going to do it, but realized that she currently lacked the time and money with work and caring for her two children. When friends bring the topic up to her, she tends to seem neutral about the topic and makes the conversation topic brief. As an effort to not sound like she developed a badly planned business idea, she tells her family and friends that she’s still planning to start the business and is still very excited about the idea but needs more time. She’s justifying her feelings towards another.
Someone else may feel the need to do a missionary trip abroad in another country for the summer. This has always been his desire for years but is the first of his friends and family to do such a thing. He’s researched into the trip, met fellow volunteers, and knows that he can afford the trip and that it’s safe but still hesitates. He waits for approval from his friends and family to go on the trip. Some of his friends encourage him to go, but his immediate family worries and does not want him to go just because it’s so far. He ends up not going because he wanted the approval of his parents. He was unable to follow is heart and missed out on a potentially great opportunity.
Another might end up making the decision to buy a dog. She will buy the dog in secret and not tell her parents about it fearing that they will tell her she is not ready for a dog or that she cannot give a dog a good home in the apartment she lives in. Upon seeing her parents she is ready to tell them she has a dog, but is trying to find the words to justify her decision to them.
We often try to make appearances to the people around us. We are constantly striving to appear flawless and do not allow ourselves the time to really feel our emotions and think about what is happening around us. We are also faced with many decisions that can result in people judging us or having influence on our choices. It’s very easy to sometimes not make your own choice, and instead do what others want you to do allowing yourself to not be confident with your own decisions and cultivating an unhappy lifestyle.
Trust Yourself – You must learn to start trusting yourself and your decisions. Often, we will make decisions that will result in mistakes or rewards. You will have people who serve as obstacles and supporters in your decisions. You have to trust yourself and stop finding the need to justify your actions and decisions to others.
Learn You Cannot Control How You Are Perceived – Often, we are trying to control how people perceive us. It’s understandable to care about how other people view you but it should not control you. Learn to accept that people will see you for both your strengths and weaknesses and that is fine. People can make their judgments but you cannot control how people feel. You will be disappointed to realize, that often, even when trying to control a situation, you still cannot change how someone perceives you.
Focus On Yourself – Think about why you feel a certain way and understand that. If you feel angry at something that happened today then ask yourself why. Let yourself feel that emotion and learn from it. If you are disappointed at not pursuing a dream then allow yourself to think about that and learn from that experience. Ask yourself, what can you do now to move past those feelings .
Accept Responsibility – Take responsibility for your actions. We all make choices and taking responsibility for those actions is a normal and healthy quality even if it results in someone’s disapproval or disappointment. In any healthy relationship you will eventually encounter a loved one who does something that you think is a bad choice. Do you love that person less? No, many times, we accept that choice and hope for the best. Accept your choices and be happy with that, even if it results in some negative feelings. Definitely consider how the other person feels, but accept that this is a choice that you take full responsibility for.
Stop Waiting for Permission – People who explain things often spend too much time waiting for approval from others or gaining enough permission to make his or her choices. Since that person does not have the confidence to stick by their own choices, they end up having other people guiding their lives. This can result in missed opportunities, a lack of independent actions and unhappiness. Make your own decisions and stick with them.
Take control of your actions and choices. Be responsible for those decisions. Allow others to judge however they want and to give you disapproval for those decisions. This is your life and you are the one in control of that.